


if you forget me

by bottomstevie



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Bucky will do anything for Steve, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War, Recovery, Sarcasm, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Steve Rogers Is Not Okay, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-26 20:55:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9921815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bottomstevie/pseuds/bottomstevie
Summary: Steve has always had trouble waking up.





	

**1927**

Ever since he was little, Steve has always had trouble waking up. Whether it was back pain from his scoliosis, or an aching feeling in his chest due to the cold winters he endured. No matter what the cause, he has always had trouble waking up.

 

* * *

 

 

Steve Rogers met James Barnes at 9 years old, near the docs after Jeremy Lumes promised (and kept it) to give Steve a lesson for getting in his way. He was just about to receive the third blow to his legs when he heard a high-pitched voice, which sounded miles away, scream, "Hey! What do ya think you're doin', picking on a kid like that?" Steve remembered wanting to yell at him for calling him a kid, since the boy looked his age, but restrained. He couldn't see what the stranger was doing to Lumes but he could sightly hear that he was getting what he deserved.

 

Steve heard footsteps and a hand grabbing him, pulling him to stand. He wobbled a little but tried not to make it noticeable. He'd failed.

 

"You alright, pal? Took some pretty hard hits," the boy said with a concerned look on his face.

 

Steve was angry. He knew he only tried to help, but now he seemed even weaker than people said he was. He'd said "You didn't need to do that, y'know. I had 'em on the ropes."

 

"I know you did, but I have a soft spot for guys who go lookin' for trouble." He said, amusement in his voice. "I'm James Barnes, by the way. You can call me Bucky though. I let all my friends call me that."

 

 _Friends_? Steve thought. This guy must have a pretty bad taste in friends if he was choosing him, of all people, to be his friend.

 

"Steve Rogers. If we're gonna be friends, don't call me kid again. We're the same age," Steve told him, glaring at him.

 

Bucky gave him a challenging look, with a grin, wide and shiny, enough to put the sun to shame. "Oh ya? I'm 10, and how old are you?"

 

 _Guess we're not the same age_ , Steve thought. "I'm 9 but a year difference does not mean you can call me kid, you jerk!"

 

"Alright, alright! Stop screamin' at me, ya punk. That's no way to treat your new friends, is it?"

 

Steve supposed not.

 

Steve became best friends with Bucky Barnes from that day forward and they have been inseparable ever since. Steve had never thought of having friends, let alone a best friend, but something—just something—brought them together.

 

**1932**

 

Steve was 14 when woke up from a dream (struggling, as always when he wakes) and realized that he liked boys in a way he wasn't suppose to. He knew he couldn't tell Bucky, since he's the one he dreamt of. He dreamed that him and Bucky were necking, that they were touching eachother in ways that they were suppose to touch girls. Bucky wasn't a queer, but Steve was. He knew that and he knew he couldn't do anything about it either because he didn't want to jeopardize their friendship.

 

He couldn't utter a damn word to anyone.

 

Steve did his best to try and push these feelings aside, tried to be with Bucky without feeling anything more than platonic, he tried, he tried, he tried, but the feelings wouldn't go away. His brain just wouldn't rest without reminding him _Oh! Reminder: you're in love with Bucky!_ and he just couldn't take it anymore. He had to tell someone. He thought about telling his mother, Sarah, for hours that night. Until he did.

 

* * *

 

 

"Ma?" he said, quietly as though he was afraid to break her happy mood.

 

"Yes, sweetheart?"

 

She was cheerful. _Shoot_. He didn't want to tell her and ruin her life for having a queer as a son, but Steve couldn't keep it hidden from her, not for much longer without breaking.

 

"I..." he paused. He was terrified. Steve continued, "I need to talk to you about something. Something important."

 

"Oh, honey. You know you can tell me anything, right? I'm here to love you, you know that," his Ma said with a grin, beautiful as could be.

 

"I know, Ma."

 

She looked at him attentively. "Honey, you don't have a be scared to talk to me. I'm your mother, after all!" she laughed.

 

"I know. It's just—" he was frustrated. "You know how you always tell people to love one another? No matter what?" She nodded, curious. "Well, I take all your advice to heart, especially this. But I need you to follow your advice. Right now. With me." Steve rushed it all out, and thank god she had heard him. He didn't want to repeat it.

 

"Of course, sweetheart."

 

"Ma..." his lip quivered. "I-I'm in love with Bucky."

 

This was it. He knew it would all be downhill from here. Gosh, why did he have to feel this way. Why couldn't he have been nor-

 

"Steve, honey. I've known this since you brought 'im home when you two first met. I'm your mother, I know these things. And as for the advice part you mentioned, I'll always love you, no matter what. You're my only, remember?"

 

God, did he ever.

 

She loved him to no end. She loved him when he came home after going on Bucky's dates that he dragged him on. She loved him when Steve cried about how much he truly loved him, knowing Bucky would never know. She loved him on his good days and his worst days.

 

He loved her right back, so much. Even in her last moments. His Ma was dying from pneumonia and he couldn't do a thing to stop it. He thought _that should be me, not her. I'm the one who wasn't suppose to survive as a child, not her. It should be me, it should be me._

 

She passed when Steve was 17.

 

Bucky cried with him, holding Steve as he wept.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! This is my first ever fic so I'm nervous but I'm hoping that this will go well and and I'm going to try to keep up with updates!:)


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